A Visit


The other day I stopped by a nursing home to visit a friend and former co-worker.  At first I didn’t recognize her, but once I saw the light in her eyes, I was like – Oh yes, there she is!

I must confess, I was taken back.  For this once vibrant, physically active and hard-working woman was sitting in a wheelchair now. Used to be she could spin circles around everyone.  Full of energy and getting things done.  And now…well…my heart welled up, and went out to her.   But I also felt so vulnerable. Could be any one of us in her shoes. It really could.  And I was reminded how fragile life is.  How things can change in a heart beat. No one is immune to that.  We pretend, though. Boy, do we pretend! We delude ourselves into thinking we’re invincible and thinking nothing can hurt us. This “thing”, whatever it may be – cannot and will not touch us.  But we are mortal beings.  And this “thing” does happen at one point or another.  Pain and suffering are an inevitable part of life.  Just as change is a part of life.

Sitting there, feeling at once so vulnerable and exposed, I was anxious. What to say and how to say it? Where do I start?  Was chiding myself, thinking, Lord knows I was in Human Services for years and had no trouble engaging the folks I worked with. What’s with this?  In the end, I decided I was fearful.  I didn’t want to do or say the wrong thing. The thing that might upset my friend or make her feel bad.  Why do we do that? For me it comes under the heading of “and first, do no harm”.  I wouldn’t ever want to do or say something that would hurt anyone.  I’ve been hurt before, so I know how it feels.

Now, once I sat down and said hello.  Once I got started, it was ok.  At first, I was very gentle and soft-spoken, taking a few moments to get re-acquainted and feeling things out. Then, before I knew it, the connection was made.  In full!  What I mean by that, is the we were fully engaged, talking back and forth and with each other.  Right there. IN the moment.  And something so beautiful happened!  After talking for a few minutes, we sat there.  The sun was cascading into the day room, filling it with light.  And we shared a period of  profound quiescence. It was soooul palpable!  The world stopped spinning on its axis. Time stood still. It was just  me and my friend. Right then, right there.  It was like no time had lapsed between our last connection.

It was one of those moments you want to last forever.  Now and then you’re granted these Divine gifts of moments expanding and time slowing.  There is this certain sound of silence. When people talk “by heart”.  When hearts burst wide open, and love and peace pour into that space in the in-between.

That’s how it was, the other day.  When I went for a visit . . . . with my friend.

 

 

 

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The Last Few Days


So I’ve been pretty quiet the last few days.  The last couple of weeks have been busy going back and forth to Mom’s place and checking on Dad.  Mom made a trip up to PA to visit my brother and his wife and to see my stepbrother and his family.  She had a fabulous time and was well rested when she got home.  Looked great and had stories to tell.  I love stories!

After the backing and forthing, I needed to slow things down a bit and get grounded.  Been working on a daily routine and some morning rituals to get my days off to a gentler start.  Poor Sheila was sick with a stomach virus for about three weeks and had to take a couple days off while it was running its nasty course.  Happy to say she’s feeling much better.

You know how it is when you have holidays on weekdays and the days seem to run together? You forget what day of the week it is?  That’s kinda how things felt. Just a little out of whack. I started a good routine the week before Ma left, and it felt right and was going quite well. Well this last weekend , I was like – ok, you’re gonna chill and enjoy life a bit. And this coming week you’re gonna feed your soul, meditate and get out of the house for some fun.  Well, guess what?  I did! Even better yet was that it was totally guilt free.  I was comfortable in my own skin and actually enjoyed my own company.  Rather stunning to say the least!

Oh sure, I still had some day-to-day stuff that needed doing around the house, but I put on some music or just enjoyed the calm and quiet. It was all good. Took the dog for a ride to the park, and we walked about 3/4 mile. Really tuned in to my surroundings, sights, smells, birds singing.  Listened to my breath sounds. It felt soooooo goood! So totally invigorating. There was no rush. I had a thermos of iced tea and a jar of water for Whiskee. When we got to the car, we both partook. Iced tea tastes super delicious after a long walk on a hot summer day. I took my time in everything.  On purpose.  And felt the quiet joy of each moment.  Savored it. Thought to myself – you know?  I could make a real habit of this!

When we left, I didn’t race home like I usually do when I’m out and about.  I slowed things down. On purpose. Took my time, enjoyed the A/C on full blast, ate some salted sunflower seeds (I’m addicted to them), listened to one of the meditation / mindfulness courses I just bought from Sounds True and was able to fully focus on it. Explaining how the outer world affects our inner world and vice versa. How stress and depression so deeply affect us in mind, body and spirit. And conversely, how meditation and mindfulness can dramatically reduce those and bring on wellness. It’s a matter of intention and attention. Kinda hit home.  And the teachings  still linger, but in a good way.

After we got home, Whiskee and I went for a swim to cool off. Then I toweled him off and got back in the pool. Sunshine and nothin’ but the sounds of the woodpeckers, cardinals, wrens and neighborhood dogs barking. Floating on my back and looking up at the clouds gently movin’ along.  I get lost in clouds.  Could gaze at them forever. There’s swimming and lolling in the pool.  I usually loll. But on this day, I did both. Got rid of some pent-up energy in my body. All good. Breast stroke, butterfly (or attempted butterfly), side stroke.  Waking up muscles I hadn’t used in a long time. Feeling the motions, the water, my breath. On purpose. When I got out, I did it slowly and felt my skin tingle and pop with each drop evaporating on my skin. Sat down in the rockin’ chair and rocked out! Then got right back in the pool! Hit replay a couple times and finally went inside feeling refreshed and utterly relaxed.

On another day, I soaked up in the pool and then sat outside finishing a watercolor I started a while back.  Tried mixing some colors on the pallet, which normally freaks me out, because I need practice and it doesn’t always come out.  But you know what?  I didn’t care what colors I wound up with. That’s what I love about art.  Trees don’t have to be green nor does grass.  They can be purple or red.  It’s whatever we want to make it.  No boundaries. I worked on the background, and enjoyed each brush stroke. No rush. All there in the here and now. When I went into the paints, I looked at each color and let it hit me with whatever emotion it evoked.  The sun was hot, and a droplet of sweat plopped on my canvas.  Who cares?  It’s just a drop of sweat.  What’s the big deal? It’ll blend in with everything else, I said.  And smiled, and smiled, and smiled. Why do we worry so about perfection? In the grand scheme of things, what does it matter?

And, well, yesterday I went to the Florida Native Plant Nursery to explore and investigate native edibles and plants. It was a fun adventure…but that story is for another time 🙂

The main thing is, I got tuned in to the moments and the beauty and sacredness of those moments. Looking forward to many more!

Peace out,

Lis’

Keys – Literal or Metaphor?


Church keys – unlocking the keys to my past…..

Growing up we spent a lot of time traveling through Norway in search of Dad’s heritage.  He was trying to collect genealogical information for his family tree.  Throughout the country, there are a number of churches, and they are the keepers of the family records.

Dad has always had a keen fascination for ornate wood carvings, because he’s a carver himself.  And at some of the old, old churches Dad would carefully inspect and talk to us about the history behind the carvings.  The church keys were just as interesting. To hold them in your hands….well…that was amazing.  They were immense, requiring both hands to turn them.  And the best part?  They worked!  They we older than dirt, but the keys worked!

In retrospect, traveling those many churches, watching Dad search his roots, turning those keys….were, in themselves, keys to helping me unlock my past.  Dad went to great lengths at times, searching church records, talking to ministers, local farmers and neighbors, trying to piece together his family tree.

This has really inspired me to keep on unlocking the many doors of my own past, my family history.

peace out

Favorite Hobbies, Topics, Passions and Such


Good evening everyone!

Wanted to just chill a bit with you tonight. Things have been way too heavy lately!! How ’bout we let off some steam together?

Thought it would be fun to play around with our favorite hobbies, interests and passions. Things that get us really fired up and stoked about life. Sometimes a single word can evoke a whole host of thoughts and ideas. I’m all about creativity and intellectual play. I think it’s good for everything. And, well, it’s a neat way to stay in the moment, too.

As I’ve been chatting and blogging with friends, reading posts, it’s been unlocking so many memories and sort of blowing the dust off my brain a bit. The other thing is – the whole writing thing is just taking off for me, and I’ve been more prolific with that in the several weeks than I have in such a long time!

Writing gets me soooo soooo excited! It’s exhilarating and cathartic, and – yeah – can be quite painful, too. But it absolutely rocks! And I’ve been kinda finding a zillion excuses not to do it cuz I’ve been spooked out about stepping into outer space with it. Guess I’m turning over a new leaf here. And it’s like being set free or something. Feeling unchained. Seriously U-N-C-H-A-I-N-E-D!! Been holding back way too much in some areas of my life.

But anyway, I wanted to git down and see what common interests we have and see what coolio stuff that might spark for all of us. All I know is that I’ve been so touched and inspired by all of you and the different ways you express your creativity. You’ve transformed me. You really have. . .

Ok, so here’s what I’m gonna do – gonna post some of my favorite thingies here, simple words and phrases. I want you to add yours if you don’t see them. Then, whenever you feel like stopping by and doing some free associating and writing – or – if it sparks something like a photo, drawing, painting, pottery, whatever – I just want us to have a freaking free-for-all. I’m still learning about all the different utilities for blogging – posting photos, images and the like. We’ll see how this goes. Just think of this as some kinda cyber playground and go for it. Gonna start off with some of my stuff to get the juices flowing. Here goes, and not it any order either!

books writing nature photography archaeology biography

forensic science hiking innovation travel food music entrepreneurship Norway Indigenous Peoples

alternative medicine creativity winter intuition medicinal plants grant writing

library research language sustainability law enforcement wood working metal work

Maybe I’ll start with wood working. I love wood. I love the smell of it, the bark of the tree. I love chopping it. But I love working it. When I was a little girl I had a set of pocket knives and spent a lot of time whittling and using wood carving tools. You know how when you sand wood or saw it? Like say pine wood. How the essence and aroma of the wood clouds around you and gets all over you? I love that! And before you start carving, do you look at the grain of the wood and see imagery there? Do you count the rings and wonder about the life of the tree and how it weathered so many storms and drought – but stood firm? And the wood planer…how the round knob fits so well into the palm of your hand. You start planing the wood, and these beautiful, wood curly shavings form and start falling to the floor, piling up. It’s like magic. Then you take your hand and run it over the wood. So so clean and smooth. So beautiful. Then maybe you take some fine sandpaper and sand it down. Brush it off. Feels soft, like velvet and the feel of baby reindeer antlers or a horses nose. That kinda soft. You let that settle over you and then you just gaze at the wood and the wonder of it. See where I’m going with this? And the wood carving tools. Well, I’ll come back to them later. Wanna sit with this little bit for a while.

Now it’s your turn! Pull out the stops and don’t censor yourself. Just let go, and let FLOW! Any way you like. In whatever form that suits you in the moment. Pictures, poetry, song, dance, video? Just be you and play.

And b4 I wrap this up, I just wanted to pause and ask you to check out some of my favorite blogs on my friends and links page. You’ll find so much love, inspiration, hope and creativity there. I am so honored to be surrounded by such wonderful people in my life. We can make the journey together. And it’s so much easier that way, don’t you think?

Peace out 🙂

The High-Speed Freight Train


Today
it came out of nowhere
like a bombshell
so unexpected
rocked my world

Bipolar

Now suddenly
all the “not knowing”
for so long
it all made sense to me
it clicked

And then
the flood of emotion
coming from way inside
that goin’-on-forever kinda looooong, bone siiiiiiiiiigh
into the relief of
knowing
What is “wrong” with me?!!!

What’s going on??! The world is spinning so fast. Or is it that I’m spinning?! I don’t know. Will somebody just please tell me? And please, just make the pain go away!

All I know is it has felt like I’ve been on a high-speed freight train traveling at the speed of light. Seeing the head on collision coming. Knowing full well it was gonna hurt so bad and cause so much carnage in its path. But I couldn’t stop the train! I just couldn’t stop it!

And that not being able to stop it? It wrent my soul asunder.
It broke me in half.

And now. Finally. Pure light is shining through.
I’m gonna be fine.
Just fine. . .


Talk about mental illness? Yes, let’s. Please…let’s…
PTSD, Bipolar, Depression….whatever it is…let’s just do that! Let’s “come out” and talk about it.

Let’s break the silence. And heal together.
5/20/11

Bloggin’ Away!


Today I updated my blog.  I decided it’s time I start sharing more, and hopefully some good will come from it.  I want you to feel free to share any of your own creative stuff, too. Want this to be a vehicle for expression and discovery where folks can share whatever’s on their heart.  The good, the bad, the ugly, and yes, even the taboo. We spend way too much time burying stuff and gripped in the vice of fear.  Reality is, we all share the same emotions at one time or another.  We’re all in this crazy life together.  Maybe we can co-create something beautiful and write some life stories together.  I think that would be wonderful, don’t you?

I have some photos and videos I’m gonna try to post once I figure out how to do that.  I’m a nature lover, and sometimes I stop when I’m out and about – and even at home to shoot something that catches my eye.

ok…time to chill!

peace out

Lissy

Annual Reflections for 2010


Every year I do some kind of an annual reflection. Hold onto your britches!  Here goes!

It’s been a particularly difficult and grueling year for us.  In many ways I’ve learned so much, and my soul has expanded beyond my imagination!  Just wanted to take a couple minutes and reflect with ya’ll on some of the highlights. Things I’ve learned. Things I’ve observed.  This is not in any particular order of importance, but more stream of consciousness and how it came down.

This year, I learned a lot about taking emotional and creative risk.  These two areas have brought me a lot of joy and paid off in huge spiritual dividends.  As a result, I’ve connected with a whole new host of friends and fed my soul.  There’s something about writing about a life event, sharing photos and artwork that connects us as human beings. That brings us into greater harmony one with another.  It’s really kinda scary to go “out there”, to bare all, as it were.  But once you find the right, fertile soil to plant your soul-seed, things start to POP!!  POP POP!! All. Over. The Place.

Another thing I’ve learned a little bit more about, I hope, is the art of listening.  I’m a type A personality, so this can be quite daunting for me.   I come from a looooong, storied line of jabber-jawwed gabbers.  It just runs in the family.  But thanks to Sheila and my friend Kris, I’ve been able to slow down, hush my racing (not racy!!) thoughts and mouth some.  Consequently, the active listening part has spiked up a wee notch.  It’ drives me crazy sometimes, but on the flip side of the coin, it’s been a lot of fun and warms my heart. Have to kinda fight the impulse to be in defensive mode preparing answers in your head and strategizing how to win an argument, as opposed to being in the moment with the one you’re  with, having a meaningful and authentic exchange of ideas. Learning those two are worlds apart and can make or break relationships in general. When a couple people tell me within a short period of time they think I have the attention span of a five-year-old, my intuition kinda kicks into emergency mode: BWoooUUP, BWoooUUP! May I have your attention please!!  You, there! Lissy! Now hear this! LOL. And it sends me into a free-falling nose dive of introspection and reflection.  When this was first brought to my attention, I thought, man!  It takes guts to be that direct and honest with someone, and those are the kinda friends and people I want to have in my life.  The very ones that will dare to ask me the hard questions. Very hard questions. The ones who will dare to challenge my thoughts and help me shed light on another perspective or angle on things that can open up a whole new world for me.  Me, short attention span?!  NEVAH hahahah!! Actually, the whole thing kinda rocked me, but in a good way, cuz nobody had really told me in as many words that I was all over the place.  This soul work stuff isn’t for the faint of heart, that’s for sure!

Another AMP’ed up bonus of me shooooshing, is that my ability to hear and understand lyrics to songs has had an explosive and profoundly beautiful impact on my life.  It’s like I’m finally starting to make the connection between the melody and the lyrics. Like hearing the lyrics for the first time ever in my life. Sounds crazy, I know, but for most of my life I’ve generally focused my attention on the melody, but there’s soooull, soooull much more!! Music is a glorious thing, isn’t it?!  Just glorious!

Suppose I should interject at this point, the other reason it’s been easier to devote attention to lyrics is I’ve been forcing myself to slow down. I get so impatient sometimes and have GRRRrrrr moments, because I have absolutely no patience to sit still and work out the details of things, but that’s where it’s at! It’s all in the details!  I find this to be especially true when I’m doing detailed doodles and artwork. With my Multiple Sclerosis, my hands tremor a lot, too, so when I chill out and relax when I’m drawing, things go a lot smoother, and I go straight into that happy, happy place of creative bliss. I floooooooowwww…. It’s all connected, you know? This year I spent a lot of time doodling and feeding my craving for drawing and sketch work.  When you start working on the edges and the details of things, you have no other choice but to slow down, focus your attention, and breathe as you put the strokes down on the paper.  Kind of a huuuuge AHA!! moment for me!  It’s provided a wonderful outlet for my passion for creative writing and other areas of self-expression as well.

Going with my stream of consciousness, I’m totally freakin’ LOL right now!  I feel myself running long, and the little voices in my head are telling me “You talk too much.  You talk too fast.”  Ha ha!  So true!!  I am working on brevity. Honest, I really am!!  Cutting myself some slack here, ok?   Something about crisp and concise language that makes it even more potent.  Reading it out loud when you edit is a total mind blower, and there’s a huuuge “ick” factor that goes with it. Makes it better, though, in the end….

The year has been a major disappointment health wise, and my Multiple Sclerosis has caused many setbacks and frustrations.  I have my moments and my pity parties, but – hey – don’t we all?  But somehow, I find a way to pick myself back up off the floor, face it, and move on.  This process is made so much easier by all of you, family and friends.  I tried applying for Social Security Disability and was denied the first time around.  Now I’m making a second attempt.  Hopefully things will get better.  I tried to apply for prescription assistance with COPAXONE, and that was a NO-GO and huge bummer!  But still, I keep pressing on.  It really makes me so mad that I don’t have medical benefits, and here in the United States, the system is not made for the people that need it the most.  It’s one of my soapbox issues.  I try not to let it niggle at me, but sometimes it does.  Anyone who has medical benefits should count it  the greatest blessing!  Here in the States it’s only for the employed in the rich.  Anyone else can pretty much kiss it goodbye.  Enough said. My cynical moment…..

Another thing that I’ve contemplated on and thought about a lot is friendship.  Some people find it too painful to be my friend, because of my Multiple Sclerosis. My disease scares them. They don’t know what to say.  They’re afraid they’re going to say the one thing that’s gonna snuff that hot ember in my soul, and break me, make the pain of my dis-ease more acute. I get that. Cuz I feel that way in situations, too.  It’s kind of a paradox.  I most definitely think it’s more difficult for those around me to manage it than for me.  It makes me sad, the fact that I’ve lost people whom I counted as friends, because of things I have no control over.  People don’t realize sometimes, that they don’t even have to say a word. Sometimes just sitting quietly can sooth a soul and make such a difference. And saying “MS” isn’t going to wreck me or break me in half.  It just is what it is. I so totally get the fear factor, though, but I want to tell you my truth. The flip side of the coin is that new friends have literally poured into my life by way of this wonderful virtual connection we share and made it even more special.

What I have learned is: there are friends, and there are acquaintances.  I’m starting to see the difference.  Some folks just want to have tangential contact with you.  Some are too busy to make the emotional investment in standing by you through the good, the bad and the ugly.  To me there’s a happy balance between the two.  Meaning, a friend indeed will be with you as much as they reasonably can through the good times and the bad.  They would give you the shirt off their back, and you could call them at four o’clock in the morning and they would take the call without hesitation or come to you at any hour, 24/7 if you had a serious emergency and you needed them. I can count those people in my life on one hand.  One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was to surround myself with loving, positive, fun, and intelligent people who have a zest and passion for life. Since I’ve devoted more attention to that this year, I’ve found I’m much happier and feel more fulfilled.  There’s nothing like being around positive people! It’s just so good for everything, and we make good, good, good, good vibrations!!

At this point, I just want to throw in, that I’ve been more exposed to Buddhist teachings this year, and they really resonate for me. The practices are logical and make total sense to me. There’s nomenclature I can identify with, if that makes any sense at all. There’s balance. The concepts have helped me in my meditations, but they’ve also helped me in how I look at both my inner and outer worlds.  It’s like I have this brand new, fully loaded, tool box with practical tools for living. When I crank the tools, I’m learning how to look on people with more compassion and love.  Buddhism has helped me slow down and look at my own actions.  To see what I can do to be more compassionate towards others.  Once again, this is not easy for me cuz I have to have a case of the shoooooshies first.   And that sitting quietly thingy is so hard for me to do. Gradually….verrrry gradually, I’m learning to quiet my mind and face some of the awkward-looking-at-self silences of life.  For this part of my journey, I really want to thank my dear friend, Mark Wollard.

The other thing that I’ve had to really come to grips with this year is caregiving.  In life, we undergo many role reversals.  Sometimes we’re the student,  sometimes the student.  Sometimes we’re the child, sometimes the parent.  That can be really confusing.  Both my father and mother have been gravely ill at times over this last year. Cumulatively, I’ve spent more time in the ER in the last couple years than I have in my whole lifetime put together.  There’ve been moments when I thought I would lose both Daddy and Momma.  We’ve had some very close calls.  As their caregiver and healthcare surrogate, I’m doing things and experiencing things that I never thought I would or could do.  Sitting with my dad at a point in time when I thought he was on his deathbed, all alone was a most transforming experience, but also one of the most painful I’ve ever endured.  Thankfully he is still with us. It’s soooul hard letting go of your parents as they advance in years.  It’s especially difficult when dementia is involved.  That part of them that thinks and processes, that cognitive part of them deteriorates.  So what you do is, you try to enjoy every moment as if it’s your last, and you reminisce a lot.  You learn to honor and respect the life choices of those you love.  I just want to speak to honoring the choices for just a moment.  It’s such a struggle, as you go into the process of making funeral arrangements, discussing end-of-life issues, but you can come to terms with it.  It’s not an easy thing to agree to carrying out your family’s end-of-life wishes, their right to life, the right to decline food or medicine, or a do not resuscitate order.  But it is doable.  It is possible.  You have to face yourself, you have to discuss things that are not at all pretty, that are very frightening at times, but nevertheless necessary.  I know I’m not the same person I was a year ago, and I’m thankful for every single thing that’s come to me from it all. Something our elders can teach us so much of is their wisdom and how to live life to the max with lots of humor, dignity, poise and quiet grace. My parents are leaving us such a legacy of tradition, culture, music, art and literature!  That’s what I call “forever stuff”. You CAN take it with you!!

Ok, folks!  Peace Out

12/30/10

Morning Pages


The Morning Pages

I’m sitting on the front porch at sunrise. This has got to be one of my favorite things to do. Watching silently as Mother Nature wakes up. Hot cup of coffee next to me. Hush…hush….. Be still now. Good morning Mr. squirrel! Oh, hey, dove! I hear you coooo-coooooing. You cardinals over there – with your cherry red and brown tufts of feathering? I see you! Any tree creepers want to come out front and center? I can hear you on my left. Love the natural surround sound. Skeeters! I know you’re right here, lil’ boogers. Sucking the living daylights out of my ankles. Top of the mornin’ to yee Mr. Frackle Fly! Aren’t you all pretty sitting on the brick post by the front door?

You spiders over yonder have been busy all night spinning webs, weaving canopies over the tips of the spears of grass. I know, because I can see the sun reflecting off your silky work. All the moisture from last night’s rain is still clinging to the webs and emerald green blades of grass shooting up from the ground reaching for the Sun. The air is moist and thick, very humid.

Just heard the woodpecker make the morning announcements. Dogs barking. Waking up.

Ok, now, the Blue Jays are getting a head start on taunting Doughy. She’s crouched down in the grass, taking cover. Woops! Now she’s sharpening her claws on D’s car tires.

Two squirrels are just hightailing it across the power lines. Everything will be okay as long as they don’t kiss or touch. Then it would be Barbecued squirrel!

Oh, look! A roly-poly! And here’s Piggy! All the Foofsters usually stop by and visit with me when I journal up front. I am a happy cat magnet! In the span of a few moments, Fuzzbutt and the neighborhood cat were sitting face-to-face. They vanished-just like that!! Morphed somewhere. Shapeshifters, they are unique in their powers…..one minute they’re here, next minute, poof! Gone!

There’s a swarm of gnats dancing around in a sunbeam. Dragonfly just landed on the grapefruit tree to sun her wings. Nature’s solar panels. Blackbirds caw-ing.

Bubba just came by, spotted something on the ground, crouched down, did the little fanny-wag cats do just before pouncing. Tentatively reached out with his paw…..touched. Brown butterfly sprung up to escape his grasp. Bubba goes airborne in an attempt to catch the butterfly. The butterfly wins. Bubba’s acrobatic prowess is stunning! He leaps up in the air, all four paws outstretched, and like in slo-mo, haaaaangs in the air like something out of Crouching Tiger. On hyper alert, eyes wide open, walrus whiskers all prickled out. Bubba swipes to the left! Bubba swipes to the right. He misses! The agony of defeat!

…..a brief interlude ensues…..

Bubba just spotted Mr. Pig coming over from Penny Lane. They spend a lot of time over in the ditch and thickets hunting for mice and sleeping under the neighbor’s red truck. Bubba saunters over to Piggy. They do their “man cat” S-walk-butt-sniffing routine, bump heads and rub lips. After all the hugging, something fans the hairs of Bubba’s butt-hole and sends him flying. Oh my god!!! Can’t make this up! Blue Jay just dive bombed Bubba and Pig. Bubba looking none too happy about it, either! He’s got that indignant look, you know? Unmistakable. Ears pressed back, ticked off looking eyes.

Suddenly, I see shadows of birds moving across the lawn, can’t see the birds for the lush canopy…..yepp, I love my morning pages….

6/19/10

What is Love?


love IS THE Word, IS a Divine Force, IS harmony, IS attunement, IS light, IS laughter.

love IS also a river that flows long and wide and deep all at once

love IS eternal, IS energy, vibration, surrender and a matter of the heart

I believe love IS sacred, pure, hopeful, free, gentle, kind, and peaceful

it is honorable, having the highest regard for another human being, healing and sweet

love is risk – both emotional and physical

it is an enigma, not leaving, having no fear, a gift, a feeling

love is two hearts beating one, creativity, listening, daring to share another human being’s pain and suffering

. . . daring to walk in their shoes.

What is love? HA!!

I haven’t a clue what love is!!

I’m merely trying to shed light on what I’ve learned from having experienced what love is not!

love is crazy, that’s what it is!!

2/18/10